The Worst Amazon Prime Day Deals of 2022 (Day Two)

There’s no denying Dyson’s air purifying fans are expensive investments, but at least they’re backed by the company’s decades of vacuum and air moving research. The Molekule air purifier is even pricier than Dyson’s offerings, and while it offers a sleek, modern design, that might be the only reason to buy one, even with a hefty $350 discount. In 2019, the New York Times’ Wirecutter called the Molekule “the worst air purifier we’ve ever tested” which, the next year, resulted in an advertising watchdog rejecting all of the purifier’s claims. You’re probably just better off wearing a mask, for more reasons than one.

Listen, fancy decorative baskets are a very easy way to make a messy space look much cleaner, I get that. You just toss all the junk and clutter into one and it instantly makes your home and family look convincingly functional. But there’s going to come a time when you need to move it, and if you fill this XXXL basket to the brim with blankets, toys, or maybe even livestock, you’re going to need a block and tackle or forklift to get it off the ground. If you look at this and see a good idea, maybe it’s time to invest in some more permanent storage solutions.

I’m not here to debate whether or not cotton candy is delicious, because it’s pure sugar that’s been toasted, which is about as delicious as a snack can get. What am I here to debate is how much cotton candy you realistically think you can and will consume, and whether or not that can justify a $50 cotton candy machine clogging up your kitchen. The answer is no. There’s a reason cotton candy is limited to carnivals and festivals. Like egg nog, you can easily have too much of a good thing, which is why the government and the Rand Corporation have artificially limited its availability. It’s for your own good, and don’t let Amazon tell you otherwise.

Amazon lists this 21-inch tall polyresin Yeti statue, painted to look like it’s made from weathered brass, under its “Outdoor Living Essentials” section. But in what universe is your time spent outside dependent on Bigfoot peering out from your garden? My outdoor living essentials mostly consist of a Nintendo Switch in one hand, a drink in the other, and a well air-conditioned house surrounding me. The company who created this statue, Design Toscano, also refers to itself as “the country’s premier source for historical replicas,” so apparently they know something about Bigfoot the rest of us do not.

Amazon has an entire Prime Day section devoted to items for those heading off to college or university again in the Fall. Higher learning can be incredibly expensive, and if you’re not enjoying a full ride scholarship, you’re going to find yourself cutting corners until you get a job one day. One corner you should absolutely never cut is settling for janitorial-grade toilet paper. Thirty-six rolls for $63 might seem like a bargain, but a week of subjecting your posterior to what is in all likelihood surplus re-purposed low-grit sandpaper will leave you pining for the TP those bears use in the commercials.

One day, 3D printers might be as easy to use as the replicators that Star Trek has promised us, but for now they require a certain level of technical proficiency. 3D printing pens, which work in a similar manner to a hot glue gun but extrude melted plastic instead, seem like an easier alternative. But no matter how much one might be discounted by, they’re not worth the struggle. Have you ever wondered why there are no 3D printing pen reviews on Gizmodo? We’ve tried, even going so far as to commission a sculptor to try one out, but they threw their hands up in frustration too.

Slicing up a watermelon is not as complicated a task as gutting a pig. You don’t need any specialized tools for the job, and especially not a rolling step cutter contraption that promises to deliver perfect watermelon cubes. Slicing up a watermelon with a high quality and suitably sharp knife might actually be easier than cutting butter with a hot blade. The knife is also much easier to clean when the task is done, and can handle every last scrap of the watermelon. Waste not, want not.

The British are horrified at the thought of making a cup of tea in the microwave, while Americans can’t understand why they should buy an antiquated device like an electric kettle (hint: both sides are kind of right). As far as Amazon is concerned, you’re better off prepping a hot beverage using an immersion heater, or a stinger, as they’re known in prisons across the country. That’s right, for $9, you can brew up a cuppa tea just like you would if incarcerated, but without the need to risk electrocution by building one yourself from power cords and razor blades.

Amazon included these discounted 3D-printed articulated finger extensions under the Toys & Games section of its Prime Day listings, and it’s a straight up nope from me. Whoever decided these might be a fun toy for kids has never woken up at the crack of dawn with a five-year-old standing over them demanding breakfast. Imagine that scenario, but a five-year-old clawing at your face while wearing these. Amazon would have to pay me to let this nightmare fuel into my home.

Beaches are a natural resource everyone should be able to enjoy, but if, like everyone else, you’re headed down to the water on a hot Summer weekend to cool off and relax, don’t be that person who lays down a gigantic 9x10-foot beach blanket and monopolizes a giant chunk of the sand. It isn’t a movie theater where you need to hold an entire row of premium seats for friends who are coming later. You can certainly stake your claim for when you want to take a quick dip, but leave room for everyone else.

One of humanity’s many, many missteps was the decision that bottles of wine and booze should be prominently displayed on kitchen countertops, humorously dressed up and disguised as other things, instead of being discreetly hidden away in a wine rack. What’s even more confusing than this doctor-themed wine bottle cover’s existence is the fact that, among so many Amazon Prime Deals, it’s already sold out.

Trimming a dog’s nails and performing other necessary grooming tasks isn’t always easy if your pupper would rather be playing or wrestling with you. In those instances, take them for a walk and tire them out until they’re ready to cooperate, instead of stringing them up like a piñata in this hanging dog grooming hammock. Do you really think your relationship with your pup will be better off after using this thing? Their nails might not scratch the hardwood floors any more, but your dog will almost certainly be hellbent on vengeance after being subjected to this, so say goodbye to every roll of toilet paper and couch cushion the next time you leave them home alone.